Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Did he just call you fat?

My Favorite
Fernando Botero

I am fat

The Advantages of Being FAT
  • 1 in every 2 obese people are interviewed by the news media.
  • Different parts of your body swell like a balloon, and your forearm is often the size of 2 human beings. (Your legs are the size of 3, the folds of your gut can fit 7)
  • It's HIGHLY probable that you will reach a weight at which the earth becomes a satelite moon to your enormous gelatinous mass.
  • You can eat people.
  • You'll never get old!!! Morbidly obese people always die young.
  • You can sit around and shed tears about your severe weight problem while you make sure those last few sticks of butter in the fridge--- ARE YOURS!
  • When you die, you will have 35-40 men carrying your coffin...LIKE A KING.
  • You are THE bell of the ball. In other words, you are the child of the New Years Eve Ball and the Liberty Bell.
  • You will take up all of the space for that car ride. Allowing YOU to automatically get Shotgun even though your buddy called it first.
  • You can play with your fat rolls.
  • Many great Stand-up Comedians are obese. You can always become a successful stand-up comedian. Unless, of course, you fall through the stage (or aren't funny).
  • Risk of Anorexia is greatly reduced.
  • Obesity is often associated with positive characteristics such as good humor (the stereotype of the jolly fat man like Santa Claus) and an appreciation of fine cuisine. Also, who wants a skinny chef?
  • Stranded on an island somewhere? You will certainly be the last one to die.
  • You can make your friends feel better about themselves.
  • If your building has a fire, you can roll a fat person over it to put it out.
  • If you are too lazy to work, you can sell your fat to other people who have a desire to sit at home and die of a stroke.
  • It is very fun to draw faces on your tummy and make him talk. It will probably be the only friend you'll ever have anyway.
  • You can survive bullet wounds as the bullets will come to rest far before striking you organs
  • Faking a heart attack becomes much easier
  • You have a lot more stomach space.
  • You can get government checks much easier.
  • You can use your belly folds to store food and other items.
  • You have to sit in first class on planes because you are too big to fit in the coach class seats.
  • You can float in water, and if you're in the arctic, you will also be warm

  • When playing computer games your fingers become to podgy to tytyopwe opiop[wererkl;,.
  • You get hungry every half hour or so, if not constantly.
  • You'll never be able to say you have a cool car because you will roll to places instead of drive.
  • You may be hunted down by Subway and be forced to star in their commercials.
  • You'll be taken by children who will slap your belly and ride the waves!
  • You'll never be brave enough to put on swimming clothes, thus you will never swim.
  • You will release huge amounts of methane gas per day according to your weight. (As Steven Hawkings said, a fatty will release approximately 5 megatons of methane gas a day per every pound of pure body fat said fatty weighs multiplied by the amount of food (in pounds) the said fatty eats in one day multiplied by the amount of beans, pork, cabbage, broccoli, and cheese products (in pounds) the said fatty eats in one day.)
  • You will spend a lot more money on food because you'll eat it at lightning-fast rates.
  • You may be kicked out of public areas for being too fat.
  • You may be kicked out of buffets for taking their "ALL YOU CAN EAT" sign seriously.
  • You will have to look around the world for clothes that come in size extra extra extra extra extra extra extra large. Or learn to sew so you can make your own.
  • Every time you walk you will create on earthquake.
  • You get bullied; even your own doctor threatens health consequences if you don't lose the weight.
  • Its a downward spiral - others mock you, so you eat to feel better, which causes others to mock you, so you eat to feel better...
  • Your penis or vagina in some cases both,explode

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Blank Canvas Du

My newest creation is in the works. I am about 1/4 of the way done. I can't post it yet, I don't like to give away the surprise. But, to give a hint of what it is about, it has to do with a love story. One that has been read by millions across the world. I'm really excited about it. One of my favorite creations so far.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I'm like a fish in water

"Je suis comme un poisson dans l'eau"

Most embarrassing moments of any girls life.... "Its that time of the month again." Ya know, it is such a taboo thing to talk about.It is incredibly personal, and to some, an everyday type of thing to talk about.
For me, well.. I had an experience more recently that..to say in the most appropriate way would be.. a most humbling, womanly experience. It got me thinking about well.. TAMPONS. ha ha.. how did women do it back then? I also wanted to show some super sweet ads I found for tampons, tampax, kotex etc. I had no idea they had been around for so long, and to say in the nicest way...their ads back then were absolutely TERRIBLE. Ha....so I got a few from all types of areas, and I think you might enjoy this, I did.
I also want to add a few things. Notice how sexist they are at the beginning, and then notice how the ads change in direction over time. ha it's quite the change, but in a good way for sure. One other thing I'd like to add is the French add is saying " I'm like a fish in water." I haven't caught on to what that means exactly.;)

This one is from the late 60's. Out of
all of them, I think I like this one best.
I just love the late 60's and the girl on the jet ski
is pretty awesome too. Oh and the statement, "
You're Free" is also super awesome.
I don't have much to say about this, only that
it's so inappropriate in so many ways. This is a
French ad, and I'm not sure what area.
This one, most likely from
the 40's, is really interesting to me.
It says it's for "single" women. I'm not
sure what they are implying here? Is it that only women
who are married should have these?
This one, which is from 2010 I'm guessing, since this
brand just barely came out last year is super funny. I
like how in the ad she is
no longer afraid or embarrassed. In fact she
exposes it to her delight!
This one, is really hard to read. I had to magnify it.
This one, is also very interesting. They come
at you from a "scientific" perspective. Mainly, because
they hadn't been around very long, so they had to get
their facts straight. The wording, is weird in it. I would almost go
as far to say, elementary.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Prostitute Robots

At the speed this world is going I wouldn't doubt that robots would be running the world. With that idea in mind, I feel that we are already robots. Walking around like were on auto-pilot. Have you ever felt like your just "going through the motions"? I'm in a relationship, and at times, it seems as if I'm just "going through the motions". I don't even know, at times, what I am doing. I just know that whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it. Does that make sense? To the left there is a picture I drew earlier in the day of Jan. 7th. It made me think what we would use these robots for. Robots are, well, slaves. Think about it, why else would we need them? The first thing that came to my mind as a realistic slave would be a prostitute. They are a slave to money, the "man", and their "boss". How miserable of a life would that be? If I were a slave, I would hope to be one of work stature. One that works hard and has a good master. YUK. Technically, and I don't mean to blow your mind or anything, but we are all in a prison right now. This life is like a prison. We are all slaves, to ourselves. We make our life what it is, no one else. If you, create a life of mediocrity I would think it is because you are afraid of hurt. So you would rather go nowhere. FEAR. fear. fear. fear. hmmmmm........ One thing I remember my dad telling me as a child was, " Satan wants you to stand still, he wants you to neither go up or down." I've thought of this my entire life. Satan, not so much, but the idea that fear can make us stay in one place. Neither experiencing love, hate, joy, excitement, marriage, children, friends. I have to admit I am full of fear. I am afraid of love and marriage. The idea of growing up and getting old and being " GREAT " is like... HOLY SHIT scary. Ha ha... but with that in mind...LEAPS of faith and taking risks are where life is so exciting. Where life is so great and so amazing. Making the wrong turn could get you killed, or it could take you to a place you never thought possible. At a place where I am neither human, nor robot is where i am at. I don't feel entirely human because I have walls, or blocks that make me feel as if I am a robot. Facing my fears and "feeling" things, is so "human" haha....But I am starting to realize that being a robot is no fun, and that being human is like taking the blind folds from off my eyes.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Fashion Crisp Off The Press

Fashion Crisp Off The Press

The daily rituals that I engage in, in my life include the following.
  • Vogue.com
  • Elle.com
  • And or anything that has to do with fashion, blogs, and such.
Of course these are not all my daily rituals. I just love fashion like I love drinking water and breathing air. In the past year or more, there has been a up and coming model named Lara Stone. She has said to be a mix between Kate Moss and Gisele Bundchen. After seeing this photo of her that i have posted below, I can see what they are saying. Although, she seems, bigger than the usual model.
I am in no way criticizing bigger models.( her boobs mainly) I embrace it. Marilyn Monroe one of the greatest, most fabulous women I've read about was a size 12! HURRAY for her. I embrace change and i believe that is what this chic, Lara Stone has to bring to the fashion industry. On top of that, the fashion industry needs a refresher. Along with Lara Stone, and the 13 or 14 now year old girl who is an up and coming fashion icon, is changing the way we look and feel about fashion. I love change. It makes me feel new again. And feeling new is by far one of the greatest feelings/smells/looks/tastes/etc. Like the smell of new carpet. Or your brand new car. Even the new shoes, clothes, and perfume!!!

If you want to check out the gallery she is in, in the newest Vogue magazine. Here is the link http://www.vogue.com/magazine/article/tuscan-turnaround/#/gallery/tuscan-turnaround/2

Vogue Gallery

Vogue Gallery

Blank Canvas

As an artist, in many different ways, I am constantly reminded of how much the world does not want me to be me, to be creative. I was upset earlier today from an incident i'd rather not expose. Instead of turning to what I knew best( painting) I vented to my boyfriend. It didn't work to say in the least. It wasn't his fault I truly didn't want to vent. So he took me to Michael's and we went and got me a HUGE canvas. This is the biggest canvas I have ever painted on. I'm sketching the product tonight. Tomorrow morning I am heading down to Orem to get my paints and brushes. Oh gosh I am so happy. I love painting so much. If there was anything ( besides my daughter) -( yes I have a daughter) that makes me happy and doesn't ever hurt me back it would be painting. I just agressively use my colors and paints and design amazing creations! sometimes I don't even know what I am going to paint, it just happens.

This new painting I'm hoping is to be magnificent! I want to even impress myself. It will be magical and amazing. Full of life and good colors. Only... the good ones. I believe it will take me longer than all the paintings I have done together. Which, could turn into 2 months! I'll update on where I am at on it. Paint, paint, paint. i love to paint... boo hooo.. ya HAHHAHAH. painting is like a sea.. mysterious, unlimited, full of life, unknown, .... so many crazy things.. things you never thought lived on this earth..dang dang...bang bang


to start it all out, to begin, to let loose...show your true colors.
I dunno, the new year thing seems a little cliche, and some what boring and cycle oriented. why can't it be a new year everyday? why do calendars have to tell us when to start a new year? why does TIME control our progress. just because your 100 years old and haven't graduated college doesn't mean you should give up and not try... I mean come on.. my great aunt lived to be 102... so technically you could start at 98 and graduate by your death! HURRAY! ( depending on your major) my grandpa remarried at like 92 or something. but who cares if it is 92 or 94 I mean seriously.. the guy is in his nineties and he remarried, that is more then most of us could ever say. EVER.
i guess what i am trying to say here is, don't let the "traditions" control your every move, make your own! and don't feel obligated to climb mt. everest just because it's the new year and you have to do something amazing. i mean by all means if you want to, do it, but don't feel pressured or feel obligated.. don't settle or sell out. do something because you want to and you love it. just because billy is going to the movies doesn't mean you have too.. my dad always said that to me when I was little. if one of my friends was doing something and I wanted to he would say, " just because billy is jumping off the cliff doesn't mean you have to too." ha, it's true. we all have tendencies to follow the traditions, but i'm encouraging to try something new, and fresh. :)