I am fat

The Advantages of Being FAT

• 1 in every 2 obese people are interviewed by the news media.
• Different parts of your body swell like a balloon, and your forearm is often the size of 2 human beings. (Your legs are the size of 3, the folds of your gut can fit 7)
• It's HIGHLY probable that you will reach a weight at which the earth becomes a satelite moon to your enormous gelatinous mass.
• You can eat people.
• You'll never get old!!! Morbidly obese people always die young.
• You can sit around and shed tears about your severe weight problem while you make sure those last few sticks of butter in the fridge--- ARE YOURS!
• When you die, you will have 35-40 men carrying your coffin...LIKE A KING.
• You are THE bell of the ball. In other words, you are the child of the New Years Eve Ball and the Liberty Bell.
• You will take up all of the space for that car ride. Allowing YOU to automatically get Shotgun even though your buddy called it first.
• You can play with your fat rolls.
• Many great Stand-up Comedians are obese. You can always become a successful stand-up comedian. Unless, of course, you fall through the stage (or aren't funny).
• Risk of Anorexia is greatly reduced.
• Obesity is often associated with positive characteristics such as good humor (the stereotype of the jolly fat man like Santa Claus) and an appreciation of fine cuisine. Also, who wants a skinny chef?
• Stranded on an island somewhere? You will certainly be the last one to die.
• You can make your friends feel better about themselves.
• If your building has a fire, you can roll a fat person over it to put it out.
• If you are too lazy to work, you can sell your fat to other people who have a desire to sit at home and die of a stroke.
• It is very fun to draw faces on your tummy and make him talk. It will probably be the only friend you'll ever have anyway.
• You can survive bullet wounds as the bullets will come to rest far before striking you organs
• Faking a heart attack becomes much easier
• You have a lot more stomach space.
• You can get government checks much easier.
• You can use your belly folds to store food and other items.
• You have to sit in first class on planes because you are too big to fit in the coach class seats.
• You can float in water, and if you're in the arctic, you will also be warm

DISADVANTAGES OF BEING FAT

• When playing computer games your fingers become to podgy to tytyopwe opiop[wererkl;,.
• You get hungry every half hour or so, if not constantly.
• You'll never be able to say you have a cool car because you will roll to places instead of drive.
• You may be hunted down by Subway and be forced to star in their commercials.
• You'll be taken by children who will slap your belly and ride the waves!
• You'll never be brave enough to put on swimming clothes, thus you will never swim.
• You will release huge amounts of methane gas per day according to your weight. (As Steven Hawkings said, a fatty will release approximately 5 megatons of methane gas a day per every pound of pure body fat said fatty weighs multiplied by the amount of food (in pounds) the said fatty eats in one day multiplied by the amount of beans, pork, cabbage, broccoli, and cheese products (in pounds) the said fatty eats in one day.)
• You will spend a lot more money on food because you'll eat it at lightning-fast rates.
• You may be kicked out of public areas for being too fat.
• You may be kicked out of buffets for taking their "ALL YOU CAN EAT" sign seriously.
• You will have to look around the world for clothes that come in size extra extra extra extra extra extra extra large. Or learn to sew so you can make your own.
• Every time you walk you will create on earthquake.
• You get bullied; even your own doctor threatens health consequences if you don't lose the weight.
• Its a downward spiral - others mock you, so you eat to feel better, which causes others to mock you, so you eat to feel better...
• Your penis or vagina in some cases both,explode